It was a busy week leading up to Friday. I spent every day practcing my set, writing new material, perfecting the performance. The afternoons taken up with teaching piano. The worse the student the more I emphasized my importance as an artist by way of various forms of passive aggression, and then Halloween came. Most parents asked if “I would still be teaching on Halloween” I guess due to the sacred importance of the night. “Yes” I said. The lessons are after school how much Halloween does a kid need? The kids came, all in costume, we did the Addams Family and played knuckles, a duet of for knuckleheads. Or just un developed tiny heads with tiny hands in the formation of a fist which they roll this way and that on only the black keys.

I am the fun piano teacher, that you need to fear, this is my mission.

Before Halloween, on the 29th, I attended a queer comedy night which happened to be the closing party for Slut Island, Montreal’s annual queer music festival. I was given a back bench seat sandwiched beside Regular Fantasy and Frankie Teardrop. I was carrying so much stuff. I hadn’t pictured it being so over sold, the bar completely packed, I was stuffing my things under the table feeling very self conscious because it might appear as though I don’t know how to go out. No one should have stuff when they go out because you never know when the dancing might start, or a quick “let’s go to this party” change of venue might come up. Cool dudes don’t need anything other then lipstick and phone, everyone will take care of them if they should need something; a smoke, a ride, snack. When Liv (Regular Fantasy) mentioned she had too much stuff and didnt know where to put it, I felt a part of the cool group. Just two streetwise bitches getting it wrong together.

Sitting on the other side of our table were cute couple Zoe and Quinn. I knew Zoe from her 5 minute stand up last February and then again when I spent Friends-giving with her at Liv’s house. She is a professional psychiatrist…my circle of friends is getting cooler by the day! These are people who have careers! own their own apartments and who take planes when they travel anywhere. I try not to compare but when I was at Friends-giving dinner with all those professional friends, I started calculating my debts; 14k to the government, 2200 to the government but for different reasons, and 2100 on my Visa for botox so that these professionals would think I’m their peer.

Everyone probably knows I’m 50. Mostly because I yell it at people whenever I need to fish out a compliment or exact revenge on behalf of 50+ woman in general. I use it as a feminist flag; a warning, you better not judge older woman a certain way because you never know who might be 50 and you want to date them but now you can’t because you said something derrogatory about them to your buddies. When I don’t get the “What!!! you are FIFTY!? I thought maybe 35….” when I dont get that, I jump to, life is over.

But then I keep making music, and hanging out with friends, and attending AA and walking my dog and life is far from over.